Texas This Weekend // Best and Worst Paint Schemes

These guys and gal are back from their sunny vacations, and we don’t know who looks better – there glistening tans and bleach blond hair or these super fast machines we call cars. The answer, always. THESE CARS!

We are heading to Texas this weekend where everything is bigger and better! The one weekend out of the year where my car isn’t the best looking or worst looking in this great state and where I instantly becoming the 44th best driver in the state. The great ones always know when it is time to put a side their greatness.

As always, we pick our favorite drivers like girls pick which team is going to win the NCAA tournament. Their jerseys. And we get pretty amped up when the paint schemes come out. Because I like NASCAR. And I like Design. So when the two come together.. “Oh word?”

THE BEST OF THE BEST

Kyle Larson will drive the No. 42 Axe White Label Chevrolet.

You’ve heard the old saying, “Always wear white after April Fool’s Day.”

Kyle Larson is BACK. And he has earned the top spot on this week’s paint preview simply because he took the initiative to film it – then post it on the internet. Don’t care who you are, (yes even you Carl Edwards) you do that and you’ve won me over.

It also doesn’t hurt that this car looks sharp. Some people would say that bringing a white car to a motor speedway is like wearing them white boat shoes to a mud wrestling match.

Kyle Larson says to them people – “You’re welcome.”

Michael McDowell will drive the No. 95 Thrivent Financial Ford.

For a split second I thought this was a Jeff Gordon car. Now that’s HIGH PRAISE!

But it’s not. Jeff. Gordon’s car. It is Mr. Michael McDowell’s No. 95 Thrivent Financial Ford brother and oh boy is that a sweet looking ride.

You normally don’t see such good looking cars/people/things with such a high jersey number that look so pretty. Here’s to you Mr. Michael McDowell – representing for the little guy. Err, big guy.

Danica Patrick will drive the No. 10 Tax ACT / GoDaddy Chevrolet.

The half and half paint scheme is really working here. And not only because it has to. It actually does.

Danica Patrick basically strong armed convinced TaxACT with a dominate performance at Martinsville. How could they not stay on? Danica is having a pretty great year and other than the upwards of $750,000 it costs to sponsor one NASCAR race – TaxACT decided to go with the hood.

This car looks like an extremely well designed car put through the “NASCAR Thunder 2004” design feature. That’s a compliment I swear. Those things are hard.

I like it, and you should too. (Seriously Ricky just say you like it)

THE WORST OF THE REST

Jamie McMurray will drive the No. 1 McDonalds Chevrolet.

This is just lazy. It kind of looks like someone just figured out how to use the gradient tool in Illustrator. Just lazy.

I’m not messing around here and getting straight to the point.

What’s the deal McDonalds? You have all the money in the world. You have all the time to throw together that weird, patting yourselves on the pack, we care about America but we’re just not so sorry your kids are fat commercial. And then there is this?

What’d you do pay with Lovin’? How’d that work out? BECAUSE I’VE GONE TO MCDONALD’S A “SUPER SIZE ME” DOCUMENTARY WORTH AMOUNT OF TIMES TO TRY AND PAY WITH A PHONE CALL TO MY MOM AND NOTHING. NOTHING!!!

But this isn’t about me..

HONORABLE MENTION

David Ragan will drive the No. 18 Interstate Batteries Toyota.

For those of you scratching your head – this is the Honorable Mention section, not The Worst Of The Worst. (Not even The Wurst of the Worst)

Reason being, way back when I judged this exact same paint scheme as “The Best of the Rest”. That was when I was young, immature and on a positive outlook on life binge. But as I see it again.. I scratch my head.

Call it, nostalgia. I will always love the No. 18 Interstate Batteries car until the day you die. You can thank Bobby Labonte, my all-time favorite NASCAR driver for that. So it is hard for me to knock this car, NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

That’s why it makes it to the Honorable Mention section. It is honorably not a great looking car. So I have to just mention that.

That is all.

—

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Power Rankings Thus Far // With Help From The Fast and The Furious

It can’t be a coincidence that he weekend the 7th installment and the last(?) installment of The Fast and The Furious comes out that NASCAR takes a break right?

Oh wait yeah it’s Easter. (Happy Birthday Jesus). Well these guys may be taking the weekend off – but we sure aren’t! It’s been an exciting six races to start off this 2015 Sprint Cup Season, and now seems like a better time than ever rank these guys and gals up.

We’ve seen some guys dominate, and we’ve also seen some guys sit on the sidelines.

We’ve seen the first, second and bits and pieces of the fourth and fist Fast and Furious movies, and we’ve decided to act like Tokyo Drift never happened.

We’ve seen some historic Top 5 – nay, Top 2 finishes, and we’ve seen some historic..

You get the picture.

So this week I bring you, the best NASCAR drivers this 2015 Sprint Cup season thus far – with a little help from our the greatest movie franchise ever.. The Fast and The Furious.

LUDA!!!

NO.1 KEVIN HARVICK
2nd // 2nd // 1st // 1st // 2nd // 8th
-The Fast and The Furious (no. first)

Dom: “Let’s go for a little ride.”

Oh that little 8th place ride? Don’t worry about that little 8th place ride. You know you are having a good year with a damn fast car when an 8th place finish is a huge letdown.

NO.2 JOEY LOGANO
1st // 4th // 10th // 8th // 7th // 3rd
-Fast and Furious 6 (no. sixth)

Roman: “Who’s got a plan B?”

Tej Parker: “Plan B? We need a plan C, D, E. We need more alphabets!”

Brian O’Conner: “Hey, we do what we do best. We improvise, all right?”

Joey had what could have been a disastrous spin which could have made for a disastrous day but he ended up showing us why if it wasn’t for Mr. Harvick this guy is all we would be talking about week after week.

NO.3 BRAD KESELOWSKI
41st // 9th // 7th // 6th // 1st // 2nd
-2 Fast 2 Furious (no. second)

Roman: “You’re not gonna do what I think you’re gonna do.”

Brian O’Conner: “Yeah, I think so.”

BAD BRAD! Isn’t so bad after all is he? Bad Brad didn’t do quite what we thought he was gonna do at the end of Martinsville. Maybe he’s tired of getting round housed after every race.

NO.4 DENNY HAMLIN
4th // 38th // 5th // 23rd // 28th // 1st
-The Fast and The Furious (no. first)

Dom: “You almost had me? You never had me – you never had your car… Granny shiftin’ not double clutchin’ like you should. … You almost had me? …  Ask any racer. Any real racer. It don’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning’s winning.”

There’s no doubt in my mind that Denny repeated this exact line to himself looking into the grandfather clock on his way to an advance screening of “Furious 7” after his win at Martinsville.

NO.5 MARTIN TRUEX JR.
8th // 6th // 2nd // 7th // 8th // 6th
-2 Fast 2 Furious (no. second)

Brian O’Conner: “All right, let’s see what this thing can do.”

And there’s no doubt in my mind that Martin Truex Jr. says this line to himself before every race he starts right after a big shrug, sigh (not of relief) and a few Hail Mary’s.

NO.6 JIMMIE JOHNSON
5th // 1st // 41st // 11th // 9th // 35th
-Fast and Furious 6 (no. sixth)

Tej Parker: “You’re a millionaire and still asking for money?”

Roman: “That’s how you stay a millionaire.”

I’m pretty sure I’ve written about this of how and why Jimmie will win again, the whole she-bang, and hopefully(?) will win again soon(?). Shouldn’t he just be happy with the 6 Championships he has and be smiling from ear to ear? Why would he be freaking out to his crew chief about a bum car? Because the dude has the eye of the tiger. He wants to win. He has to win. That’s how you stay a millionaire. Or the possible greatest driver of all-time.

NO.7 DALE EARNHARDT JR.
3rd // 3rd // 4th // 43rd // 6th // 36th
-Fast Five (no. fifth)

Zizi: “God Himself couldn’t get at your money if he wanted to.”

Reyes: “God isn’t my worry.”

Jr. has everything he could every want. Just look at him. He’s got a rundown beat up Rainbow Warrior car in his backyard! What more could you ask for? Cough. A Championship.

NO.8 DAVID RAGAN
17th // 18th // 22nd // 21st // 18th // 5th
-2 Fast 2 Furious (no. second)

Roman: “Enjoyin’ the ride? Man, it’s a fast car, huh? Man, it’s a classic. Old school. American muscle. Man, this car can do all kinda things, man. Wanna see?”

I know one guy who isn’t looking forward to having Kyle Busch back in the 18 car. This guy. David has had a hell of a time subbing in for Kyle and with a top 5 finish under his belt, this dude has got to be as giddy as all get out.

NO.9 KURT BUSCH
— // — // — // 5th // 3rd // 14th
-The Fast and The Furious (no. first)

Dom: “I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I’m free.”

Too soon?

NO.10 MATT KENSETH
35th // 5th // 9th // 16th // 31st // 4th
-The Fast and The Furious (no. first)

Brian O’Conner: “I just need more time.”

FBI Officer: “If you want time, buy the magazine.”

There’s no way this is an actual conversation between Matt Kenseth and Mr. Joe Gibbs right?

NO.11 RYAN NEWMAN
38th // 10th // 3rd // 3rd // 5th // 27th
-Fast and Furious (no. fourth)

Agent Sophie Trinh: “So which car do you want?”

Brian O’Conner: “All of them.”

Newman has quietly been having a tremendous six races this year. Hell if he had any other car for that first one at Daytona and the last one at Martinsville – he’s mixing it up there with the big dogs.

NO.12 JEFF GORDON
33rd // 41st // 18th // 9th // 10th // 9th
-Fast and Furious 6 (no. sixth)

Dom: “You’ve got the best crew in the world standing right in front of you, give them a reason to stay.”

The swan song isn’t going quite according to plan. Jeff isn’t giving anyone a reason to stay, for multiple reasons. The funny part is that if it wasn’t for a rookie mistake speeding penalty – we’d be singing another tune because the Rainbow Warriors would still be partying in Martinsville.

NO.13 KASEY KAHNE
9th // 14th // 17th // 4th // 17th // 11th
-The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift (no. third)

Drift King: “Do you know who I am, boy?”

Shawn Boswell: “You’re like the Justin Timberlake of Japan.”

Oh no Kasey you’re more than that. And you’ve actually been driving really good lately too!

NO.14 PAUL MENARD
25th // 13th // 12th // 14th // 4th // 23rd
-Fast Five (no. fifth)

Tego Leo: “When I win here, I’ll buy you a lifetime supply of antidepressants.”

Some of these quotes don’t really mean anything. They just made me laugh at 3:00am after a couple of Budweisers. Paul is not depressed. But someone should tell his face that.

NO.15 CARL EDWARDS
23rd // 12th // 42nd // 13th // 13th // 17th
-The Fast and The Furious (no. first)

Brian O’Conner: “Man, you know this is bullshit!”

Dom: “You work for Harry, right?”

Brian O’Conner: “Yeah, I just started.”

Dom: “You were just fired.”

Speaking of quotes that don’t mean anything! P.S. Harry is Joe Gibbs.

NO.16 DANICA PATRICK
21st // 16th // 27th // 26th // 19th // 7th
-Fast Five (no. fifth)

Gisele: “You don’t need to send a man to do a woman’s job.”

Exactly.

—

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Stewart-Haas Racing.. wtf?

Like quite a few people, I went out on a limb and said Stewart-Haas Racing was going to be unstoppably dominant in 2014. BOY WAS I WRONG.

No, no let’s be serious – I didn’t exactly go out on a limb, and it was just one race. One race that features 200 laps of 200mph 3 wide racing where it’s any man or woman’s (Richard Petty shaking his head) race.

But it wasn’t exactly a confident boost.

Danica Patrick finished 40th after a crash with about 60 laps to go. Tony Stewart finished 35th after yet another engine problem. The “Ou41aw” Kurt Busch almost graced the top 20. Almost, finishing 21st. And Kevin Harvick led the pack placing lucky number 13, which could have been, should have been, a top 5ish but ended up getting collected in the wall on the final lap of the race.

So.. off the top of my head, if this were golf and adding all those up that would be.. Not good.

But again. One race. Yeah, Hendrick Motorsports went 1-4-5 and 31 (damn you Kasey Kahne really could have nailed this one) but you can’t yeah quite compare SHR to Mr. Hendrick. Or even Coach Gibbs. Unfortunately.

We knew those two teams, Hendrick and Gibbs would be there. Dominating. We are hoping, Stewart-Haas could be there as well.

Let’s not over react too much. But let’s pick it up a little bit boys and girls. We knew we would be talking A LOT about one of the most interesting teams in all of NASCAR. Just didn’t think it would be for ALL the wrong reasons.

Luckily, Daytona can be a fluke – just don’t tell Dale Jr. that. Or Tony Stewart. And luckily we are off to Phoenix this weekend where the #4 Budweiser Chevy from SHR has won 2 of the last 3 races there. So let’s don’t let us down again boys! And girls! Sorry King!

There’s still time to be that dominant team we all knew you could be! Please!

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EDUCATE News // Dale Jr. Wins The Daytona 500 #NASCAR (2-25-14)

Dale Earnhardt Junior wins the 2014 Daytona 500. But not after Jimmie Johnson did, again – according to one news outlet. EDUCATE News breaks down The Great American race from Kyle Busch’s airgun penalty, Delana Harvick’s tweet, Tony Stewart’s Engine problems and a possible conspiracy theory in NASCAR!

“It’s like if the #406 met SNL.” – Said no one ever.

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Stewart-Haas Racing is going to be dominant in 2014

I wanted to show this video. But this other one will do. Either way you get the gist of it. Stewart Haas Racing is going to dominant in 2014. We won’t go in to much detail, MORE TO COME IN FEBRUARY. (Now that’s a teaser)

Smoke returns from his leg injury. Dominant.

Happy gets a fresh start after what could only be described as an awkward but impressive last year at RCR. Dominant.

Un-Happy(?). Err, the elder Busch brother gets his hands back on some first class racing equipment. Dominant.

And Danica is still really revved up about Jay Mohr poking fun at her during the 2013 NASCAR Award Show. Ehh. Dominant? Maybe.

Hey. No matter what happens, it’s going to be one hell of an interesting year with a lot of great press conferences and soundbites coming out of the Stewart Haas Racing camp. Ca’mon.

pic.twitter.com/6t6ghwev9k

— The Catch Fence ™ (@TheCatchFence) January 28, 2014