Stewart-Haas Racing.. wtf?


Like quite a few people, I went out on a limb and said Stewart-Haas Racing was going to be unstoppably dominant in 2014. BOY WAS I WRONG.

No, no let’s be serious – I didn’t exactly go out on a limb, and it was just one race. One race that features 200 laps of 200mph 3 wide racing where it’s any man or woman’s (Richard Petty shaking his head) race.

But it wasn’t exactly a confident boost.

1200xDanica Patrick finished 40th after a crash with about 60 laps to go. Tony Stewart finished 35th after yet another engine problem. The “Ou41aw” Kurt Busch almost graced the top 20. Almost, finishing 21st. And Kevin Harvick led the pack placing lucky number 13, which could have been, should have been, a top 5ish but ended up getting collected in the wall on the final lap of the race.

So.. off the top of my head, if this were golf and adding all those up that would be.. Not good.

But again. One race. Yeah, Hendrick Motorsports went 1-4-5 and 31 (damn you Kasey Kahne really could have nailed this one) but you can’t yeah quite compare SHR to Mr. Hendrick. Or even Coach Gibbs. Unfortunately.

We knew those two teams, Hendrick and Gibbs would be there. Dominating. We are hoping, Stewart-Haas could be there as well.

Let’s not over react too much. But let’s pick it up a little bit boys and girls. We knew we would be talking A LOT about one of the most interesting teams in all of NASCAR. Just didn’t think it would be for ALL the wrong reasons.

Luckily, Daytona can be a fluke – just don’t tell Dale Jr. that. Or Tony Stewart. And luckily we are off to Phoenix this weekend where the #4 Budweiser Chevy from SHR has won 2 of the last 3 races there. So let’s don’t let us down again boys! And girls! Sorry King!

There’s still time to be that dominant team we all knew you could be! Please!


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According to ESPN’s Ryan McGee, might have to change the name of the #NASCAR news show to “Huhducate” ! I can live with that — check it out here: // HUH!

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“Quote, UnQuote” // NASCAR Power Rankings No. 1


The first week in the 2014 NASCAR season is in the books. Mr. Dale Earnhardt Jr. won The Great American Race and is poised to win it all this year. Right? That’s how that works isn’t it? Well he isn’t really guaranteed a Championship, but he does have a spot in the Chase, so that’s a good start. And although the super speedways are every man and woman’s race, we still have to come up with a power rankings. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT AMERICA DOES. And because we like to go against the grain, and love movies – we thought we’d combine the two.

This week – quotes from some of the greatest comedies of all-time, in honor of Harold Ramis.


1. Dale Earnhardt Jr. — Groundhog Day

Phil: I’m a god.

Rita: You’re God?

Phil: I’m a god. I’m not the God… I don’t think.

2. Denny Hamlin — Groundhog Day

Phil: I’m betting he’s going to swerve first.

3. Jimmie Johnson — Ghostbusters

Dr Ray Stantz: I think we’d better split up.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Good idea.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah… we can do more damage that way.

4. Kevin Harvick — Animal HouseAnimal-House_a3933c4a_0

D-Day: We have an old saying in Delta House: don’t get mad, get even.

5. Kyle Busch — Caddyshack

Richard Richards: Better come in till this blows over.

Bishop: What do you think, fella?

Carl Spackler: I’d keep playing. I don’t think the heavy stuff’s gonna come down for quite awhile.

Bishop: You’re right. Anyway, the Good Lord would never disrupt the best game of my life.

6. Brad Keselowski — Groundhog Daygroundhog-day-driving

Phil: It’s the same thing your whole life: “Clean up your room. Stand up straight. Pick up your feet. Take it like a man. Be nice to your sister. Don’t mix beer and wine, ever.” Oh yeah: “Don’t drive on the railroad track.”

7. Jeff Gordon — Caddyshack

Ty Webb: I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.

8. Matt Kenseth — Caddyshack

Dr. Beeper: I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.

Ty Webb: I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.

9. Kurt Busch — Ghostbusters

Dr. Peter Venkman: I’m gonna take back some of the things I said about you, Egon.

10. Paul Menard — CaddyshackMurray-Caddy-Shack-groundhog

Carl Spackler: Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac… It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!

Honorable Mention

Austin Dillon and Clint Bowyer — Animal House

Flounder: I can’t believe I threw up in front of Dean Wormer.

Boon: Face it, Kent. You threw up “on” Dean Wormer.

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EDUCATE News // Dale Jr. Wins The Daytona 500 #NASCAR (2-25-14)


Dale Earnhardt Junior wins the 2014 Daytona 500. But not after Jimmie Johnson did, again – according to one news outlet. EDUCATE News breaks down The Great American race from Kyle Busch’s airgun penalty, Delana Harvick’s tweet, Tony Stewart’s Engine problems and a possible conspiracy theory in NASCAR!

“It’s like if the #406 met SNL.” – Said no one ever.

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A Fake Interview with the REAL Daytona 500 Winner // Dale Earnhardt Jr.


ME: You won the Daytona 500..

JR: We did.

ME: Are you heading to Disney World?

JR: Naw I don’t think that’s how it works. I think that’s just for the Super Bowl. I’ll probably head back home for a day, hang out with a few friends and it’s on to the next one.

ME: No offense, but you don’t win many races. But you come out here and win the first one of the year? And it’s the Daytona 500? What’s up with that?

DaleJrWinJR: Yeah I guess it’s been a while huh? I love racing here. You know last year me and Steve really starting clicking, and we finished the year strong and we kind of just picked up where we left off. We had a great National Guard car tonight, Steve made some great moves, I had some help from the other Hendrick guys in Jimmie and Jeff up front and we, you know we were feeling pretty good about our chances and we were in the right place at the right time to win it.

ME: Yeah but you weren’t just in the right place at the right time, you kind of dominated all night..

JR: It’s really hard to dominate in this sport. You need a lot of luck. It was a good day that’s for sure.

ME: What do you say to Steve Letarte your Crew Chief when he tells you that you have what appears to be a garbage bag on your grille with 3 laps to go?

JR: I wasn’t too worried, but I was really trying hard not to wreck the Pace Car. You know a few years ago we had a Jet Dryer explode we didn’t need another delay with me spinning out the Pace Car with 3 laps to go. But we really weren’t to worried. I tried to get it off, but it obviously worked out you know.

ME: So you’ve got a spot in the chase. What are the chances you head on down to Cabo for a few months, hang out, get some R&R and come back in November to win it all?

nscs_dale_earnhardtjr.png.mainJR: (laughs) I don’t think that’s going to happen. You know in this sport especially, you can’t bank on anything. I have a spot in the Chase, but there’s a lot of racing left. A lot of time to figure out cars, tracks and keep working with Steve to get things right, there’s a lot of testing to do.

ME: What was it like seeing the #3 car out there, for at least most of the race?

JR: You know I didn’t really pay much attention to it. It was neat seeing the #3 out there again but I’ve got a few other things on my plate during the race than to be out there worried about what else is going on.


ME: Is Jimmie Johnson kind of a jerk?

JR:  Jimmie is the best. He’s one of the nicest guys in the garage. We had a pretty fun time goofing with each other this week so that’s always fun.

ME: What’d he say to you when he came up to congratulate you after the race?

JR: He just congratulated me, and said awesome job and that I deserved it.

ME: I saw you said something back, you didn’t just rub it in his face just this once?

JR: (laughs) No I probably should of though right? Jimmie has a few of these trophies, and a few of the other ones that we are trying to get so I’ll just kind of let Jimmie go about until I get a few more wins under my belt.

ME: When you lose. We can tell it really bums you out. You can see it on your face. But you won last night, we could tell you were genuinely pumped up about it. Where’d that come from?

JR: Yeah I think the reason is just because I know you can’t take these things for granted. I beat myself up a lot and I hate letting my team down. My guys, especially Steve. We’ve got an amazing team, and crew and I just want to win for these guys. It’s not fun knowing you have the best car out there or running well but things just happen and you can’t perform. It’s a lot of fun to win and you’ve just got to celebrate all of those like it might be your last.


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Race for the Chase: Jimmie Johnson // 1 Day ’til Daytona


Jimmie Johnson — #48

  • Team: Hendrick Motorsports / Chevy
  • Wins In 2013: 6
  • Last Year Chase Result: Champion
  • Jimmie’s 2013 In A NutshellMajor League (1989)

Harry Doyle: Just a reminder, fans, about Die-Hard Night coming up here at the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant.

Why Jimmie Johnson will not win the chase in 2014:nscs_jimmie_johnson.png.main

So that quote about Jimmie’s 2013 season is there for a few reasons.

  1. It involves two of the best movies ever. Major League and Die Hard. But just the first Major League and the first Die Hard. Because let’s be honest the 2nd of both of those movies were unstoppably horrendous.
  2. Harry Doyle aka Bob Uecker is one of the only good things about baseball.
  3. There’s really absolutely positively no reason I can even try to think of that Jimmie Johnson will not win the Chase in 2014. Unless that whole Richard Petty, Danica will only win if all the drivers stay home thing comes to fruition. So I’m not really going to waste my time, and especially your time.

The main reason I picked that quote though was because how amazing would it be to hear Mike Joy say during the middle of a race halfway through the season when it looks like Jimmie has all but won his freaking 7th career championship..

Just a reminder, fans, about Need for Speed night coming up here at the track. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time  Jimmie Johnson didn’t have a championship.

Why Jimmie Johnson will win the chase in 2014:

Let’s be honest. Jimmie Johnson is the greatest driver of this generation. Arguably, of all-time. (That’s for another day). I’m not too terribly excited about it either folks. I, like you, are tired of Jimmie Johnson winning. Sick and tired of it. Jeff Gordon. Tony Stewart. Kevin Harvick. A lot of drivers have got to be kicking themselves by the amount of Championships this guy has cost them. It’s annoying. And what’s worse? The man with the plan Chad Knaus is kind of a jerk. That’s putting it nicely. He pushes the rules to the limit. He sometimes cheats. He sometimes gets away with. He sometimes doesn’t. But he’s a competitor, and a genius for that matter. Maybe if Chad was with a driver, that driver would be racking up Championships like they were parking tickets. Oh and have you heard that Jimmie is an athlete. He runs 15 miles a day like it’s a walk in the park. He did the half marathon just last weekend. I know Donavan McNabb, we’re sick of it too. And maybe the worst part about Jimmie? He’s a nice freaking guy. He doesn’t (often) call out drivers. He doesn’t make to big of a fuss when he gets put into the wall. He just goes out there and does his job. And you know what?


This is EXACTLY why Jimmie is going to win again! He just goes out there, does his job, and gets shit done. He’s going to win because you don’t want him too. Everyone great athlete, (Yeah I said it Donavan) has to come up with new ways to motivate themselves. To keep the fire burning. And you know that’s exactly what Jimmie is doing with all of us who is sick and bloody tired of seeing him win. He’ll use that. Quietly. But he’ll use it. And yeah, we aren’t sure if Jimmie is even the most talented driver in NASCAR. But he knows something we don’t. And something almost 50 other guys, drivers, teams don’t know either. Like it or not folks, Jimmie will win again. And probably again. And again. And whether you want to crown him the best driver of all-time, or just his era. Don’t take it for granted. Because 15 years from now, we will all look back and say..

Need for Speed night?

No sorry, that’s not it. We will look back and say..

Holy shit. Remember that Jimmie Johnson guy? His run was one of the most amazing events in all of sports. Holy shit was he good.

That’s why, like it or not, Jimmie Johnson will be the last man standing in Miami.

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Race for the Chase: Matt Kenseth // 2 Days ’til Daytona


Matt Kenseth — #20

  • Team: Joe Gibbs Racing / Toyota
  • Wins In 2013: 7
  • Last Year Chase Result: 2nd
  • Matt’s 2013 In A Nutshell: The Replacements (2000)

Jimmy McGinty: You know what separates the winners from the losers?

Shane Falco: The score?

Jimmy McGinty: No, getting back on the horse after getting kicked in the teeth.

Why Matt Kenseth will not win the chase in 2014:nscs_matt_kenseth.png.main

That pit stop in Phoenix was a kick to the teeth. Matt won 7 races last year. That’s one more than your 2013 Champion and 6-time Chase winner Jimmie Johnson had last year. Wait what? I looked around for this quote for a while, I swear it was in a movie. If not, it should have been. But when Matt was on. He was really on. And when he wasn’t on. He really sucked.

BONUS QUOTE!!!: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

Ricky Bobby: If you ain’t first, you’re last.

Matt. You weren’t suppose to take Ricky seriously. That was a comedy movie! Basically Matt’s year looked like a really bad stock. Up and down up and down up and down up and down. That’s how stocks work right? Not sure. In 2013 if Matt wasn’t first. He was last. What happened to being consistent Matt?

Why Matt Kenseth will win the chase in 2014:

I believe that like Shane Falco, Matt Kenseth will be able to get back on the horse after a what almost felt like a very dominating regular season in 2013. Did you catch those duels last night? Joe Gibbs racing is looking pretty damn sharp heading into this season. They’ve always looked sharp. And Matt Kenseth has been virtually unstoppable since he’s arrived. The best part about Matt? You don’t hear from him much. He’s not going to get in a Twitter war or do a backflip off his car after a win or probably not punch a driver after the race. Don’t test him though. He goes out there and gets it done. That’s the reason why you knew about all his dominant wins last year, and may not of heard from him when he finished in 30th position. Which he did last year. A few times. 3 to be exact. And one 40th place finish. With a few handfuls of 20th or higher place finishes. Ouch. I mean that’s the reason why the guy didn’t win the whole shebang in 2013! Of course, accidents happen. Blown engines happen. Unfortunately, bad pit stops happen. But don’t expect to see much of that this year. There will be no more incidents in the pits like in Phoenix last year. You better believe those guys have been absolutely working harder and training harder than ever to get this guy that Chase trophy that NASCAR tried to make sure he wouldn’t get back after they changed the Chase rules, one of the first times, after his run in 2003. You know Matt is going to continue to win like he did last year. Shoot look at that Duel just last night. With more top 10’s and fewer mishaps putting him towards the back of the pack. How in the hell won’t this guy win in 2014?

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