Your Starting Grid – in the form of a Music Festival Poster. #Daytona500
With a little help from Nic Cage.
If you’ve read or stumbled upon or been forced to read this blog before. You know we love to mix sports with movies. Especially movie quotes because as we all know, you can relate them to absolutely anything. So why not try our hand with the NASCAR Chase, and how I think this will all play out. And to help out, I thought I’d bring in my dear friend, Mr. Nicolas Cage.
16. ARIC ALMIROLA – National Treasure
Powell: How do a bunch of guys with hand tools build all this?
Ben Gates: Same way they built the pyramids – and the Great Wall of China.
Riley Poole: Yeah… the aliens helped them.
I like Aric. But let’s be honest, if it weren’t for the aliens and the new Chase rules he wouldn’t be here in the playoffs. Good for him though. It’s not like he is a bad driver, and this should get him some good exposure.. for 3 races. Honestly, it will be fun to see if he can battle it out and beat the Dinger for last. Side bets anyone?
15. AJ ALLMENDINGER – National Treasure
Riley Poole: Anyone crazy enough to believe us isn’t gonna want to help.
Ben Gates: We don’t need someone crazy. But one step short of crazy, what do you get?
Riley Poole: Obsessed.
Ben Gates: Passionate.
Like I said before, The Dinger may be battling it out for last place with #43, and like Aric – he’s lucky to be here. He’s a hell of a driver and he’s extra lucky considering all the craziness he’s been through to even be in a race car. He’s obsessed. And passionate. See what I did there? But you need more than that to win.
14. KYLE BUSCH – Con Air
Baby O: How am I doing, son?
Cameron Poe: You’re doing fine.
Kyle just needs a good pep talk and a keep your head up kid after this year. He’s definitely going to forget all about 2014, as he may have already thrown in the towel on the season. It pains me to put him this low but he’s had worse luck this season than an NFL running back. Too soon? Sorry Kyle. And mom.
13. RYAN NEWMAN – Ghost Rider
Caretaker: You all right?
Johnny Blaze: Yeah, I’m good. I feel like my skull is on fire, but I’m good.
Man I like Ryan too. And the only reason I put him in front of Kyle is because.. Well yeah we went over that. (See NFL running backs). Ryan is a hell of a good driver who for getting kicked to the curb by Stewart-Haas is trying to put up a respectable showing for new owner Richard Childress by being the lone wolf in the Chase for said team. But he’s got to feel a little Ghost Rider-y after this season.
12. KASEY KAHNE – Gone In 60 Seconds
Freb: I can deliver more than pizzas, huh? Boosted her myself.
Donny: How did you get this car?
Freb: Actually, the keys were in it.
Donny: Well, that kinda defies the point.
Memphis: You stole a car that wasn’t on the list. Why don’t you just go to the police station in a red clown suit and let everybody know what we’re doing here?
I like Kasey. Is it weird that I keep saying I like these guys.. right before I rip them? I don’t not like Kasey. And he’s a hell of a driver, (that’s a nice way of saying I don’t like him), but I have to imagine if he wasn’t driving for Hendrick he wouldn’t be in the Chase. I mean the keys are just in the car. And you’re there. Don’t expect big things from him this fall.
11. KURT BUSCH – Lord of War
Yuri Orlov: Any friend of my brothers’ is a… a friend of my brothers’.
Don’t lump Kurt in the same category as Kyle. Mainly because Kurt isn’t as good as Kyle, but eff Kyle is having a bad year. I couldn’t figure out which brother deserved this quote more. I wonder which one of them wouldn’t want to be lumped in with the other. Luckily for Kurt, he’s had better luck this year than little brother.
10. DENNY HAMLIN – Leaving Las Vegas
Ben Sanderson: I think when I’m done with this I’ll have a gin and tonic.
Listen Denny I know you don’t drink, and party, any more and I know you ripped us all to shreds at that press conference when you had rust in your eye. I’m not saying you’re going to drink after the Chase. But you’re going to wish you had one. Denny has to be wondering how and when he’s going to return to dominance again. And who knows maybe a gin and tonic would help!
9. GREG BIFFLE – Gone In 60 Seconds
Memphis: I just stole fifty cars in one night! I’m a little tired, little wired, and I think I deserve a little appreciation!
I don’t think Biff gets as much credit as he really deserves. He’s got to be feeling like he stole damn near fifty cars in one night just to get into this chase. And I’d love to put the Biff higher than 9 I really would! But there is a lot of freaking talent up there at the top. And unfortunately I don’t think the Biff can hang. But I appreciate you anyway sir!
8. MATT KENSETH – Lord of War
Yuri Orlov: There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.
Matt Kenseth has been to the top. He’s won it all. So he knows what it feels like. But it sure has been a while since he’s been there. I kept picking him to win over and over again this year and it never happened. He is Mr. Consistent. Unfortunately, because of you Matt, you gotta win to be in. And it just isn’t happening this year.
7. CARL EDWARDS – Con Air
Cameron Poe: Yeah, but like at this new prison you’re goin’ to, who’s gonna watch your back?
Baby O: God’s got my back. You know what I’m sayin’?
Carl’s last ride for ole Jack. If I were him, I’d just make sure I ain’t going out there and pissing off any of my new teammates. Yeah he could go for the Championship. But.. do we really think he’s got what it takes? I sure don’t. If you aren’t running a Hendrick or Penske car.. Or named Kevin. Just try to make nice.
6. JOEY LOGANO – 8MM
Max California: What is this?
Tom Welles: Money. People use it to buy goods and services.
Yeah I could say something about how Joey is rich and was given everything and so on and so forth. But that would be too easy. It’s also hard to keep saying that after the year Joey has had. Dude has been driving like he stole it week in and week out. Think he’s still a little to young to take it home, but maybe I’ll be wrong for the first time ever. Doubt it.
5. JIMMIE JOHNSON – Gone In 60 Seconds
Memphis: Without disappointment you cannot appreciate victory.
Det. Roland Castlebeck: Did Eleanor tell you that?
What? Jimmie Johnson fifth? Yeah man. I did that. Listen I know you’ll be laughing in my face 10 weeks from now telling me how dumb I am. But he wasn’t even like the 5th best driver all year. I mean he’s the #1 best driver of all-time (whoa there) but he hasn’t been as dominant as always. Yes he’s 6-time, and that’s why I bumped him up to fifth. Let’s just say after this year he’ll appreciate those Championships a little more.
4. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – National Treasure
Ben Gates: [upset] I just… really thought I was gonna find the treasure.
Patrick Gates: Okay. Then we just keep looking for it.
Abigail Chase: I’m in.
Dale is the most emotional guy after races. And it pains me to see. He’s so close this year. And it would be so dominant to see him win it all and standing in Victory Lane in Homstead. Him, Steve and Amy. Listen we are all rooting for that. You, me, Wal-Mart, freaking NASCAR. We’d love to see it. But I just don’t think he’s quite there.. But again. I’d love to be wrong. For once. Especially when it comes to this prediction. JOOOOONYAAHHHHHHH!!!
3. BRAD KESELOWSKI – Lord of War
Yuri Orlov: I was the same man who was not good enough for you before, and I’m just not good enough for you now.
Eh I don’t even really know what this quote means. I asked Brad on Twitter what his favorite Nic Cage movie was and he never got back to me. Oh cool you have a girlfriend now? So do I. Either way Bad Brad has got to be most people’s pick to win it all. I’m not most people. There’s at least 2 people way faster than this dude..
2. JEFF GORDON – Gone In 60 Seconds
Memphis: I am a baaaad man.
Whoa. I use to hate Jeff Gordon. My brother loved him when we were younger and I would make fun of him so hard. One missed shipment and comfy ass Jeff Gordon shirt later – I love the dude. And how couldn’t you? I mean I wish he would grow his mustache back but that’s beside the point. Like Memphis Raines, Jeff has to be going into this thinking he’s a bad man. He is. Between him and another Freaky Fast driver, it’s a toss up to who would show up to the track on Sunday with the faster car. This is Jeff Gordon’s to lose. Damnit he’s so fast I want to pick him to win it all.
1. KEVIN HARVICK – Con Air
Cameron Poe: If this thing goes bad, Larkin, I don’t think my daughter will… understand. If you speak to my wife again, you tell her: that I love her. She’s my hummin’bird. But, I couldn’t leave a fallen man behind. You’ll do that for me, won’t you, Larkin?
Vince Larkin: Sure, I will. What are you gonna do for me?
Cameron Poe: What do you think I’m gonna do? I’m gonna save the fuckin’ day!
Call it favoritism. Call it advertising at it’s finest (I love Budweiser. Jimmy John’s is great too). Call it what you want. But Kevin Harvick has been the fastest dude on four wheels almost every damn week this year. From the get go. Yes yes yes it takes more than that and Kevin hasn’t had that. We’re over it. Tony Stewart and the Stewart-Haas team are all in this year, bringing in new pit crew members to get this Freaky Fast #4 Chevy to Homstead and to hoist that Championship trophy. Kevin is due. He’s been there. Man he has been there so many times and been so close. He’s got SPEED. And a lot of it. He’s going to leave it out there these next 10 weeks, rubbin’, racing and doing anything and everything it takes to save the fuckin’ day. And win that NASCAR Sprint Cup Championship. #Huh.
Last week I went out on somewhat of a limb saying that Jimmie Johnson wouldn’t win until at least June.
I also wrote something saying something like Kevin Harvick should probably start getting concerned here soon.
Well Kevin Harvick sure has nothing to worry about after a dominating performance in Darlington for his second win this year. But Jimmie Johnson still remains winless, and makes me begin to wonder. Where you at JJ?
He will win before the Chase. He will make the Chase. He may win the Championship. So let’s just throw all that, “What if Jimmie Johnson doesn’t make it to the Chase?” crap. He’s going to.
After the Easter break and luxurious vacation by most if not all drivers that will be happening this weekend. We head to Richmond, Talladega, Kansas and Charlotte for the All-Star and Coca-Cola 600 to round out May before Summer racing officially starts.
Jimmie has won 1 time in Richmond, 2 times at Dega, 2 times in I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore as well as 3 consecutive years in a row winning in Charlotte.
Not bad numbers, but not overly impressive numbers either. It’s a crap shoot at Dega and safe to say anything can happen in Charlotte as well. The chances of him winning are good but not likely, especially the way he’s been running this year. He’s not even the best driver on his team this year! Maybe not even the 2nd best! But he’s still miles ahead of you Kasey. Sorry.
Here’s the thing though. Why does Jimmie have to win now? Again, he’s going to. But maybe he doesn’t want to, need to, I’m sure he wants to but does he need to?
Why not mess around all spring and summer, get one or two wins and make the Chase and sneak up on everybody. He doesn’t have to crank out 5 wins in the regular season anymore. You win, and you’re in.
Perhaps Chad Knaus, the Bill Belichick or the Gregg Popovich of NASCAR is taking a page out of their books – just make the playoffs. Don’t over exert yourself. Yes yes I know, football and basketball is nothing like NASCAR – they are athletes in those sports. (Shut up Donavon McNabb) NASCAR doesn’t quite take the same toll on your body as those physical sports so you don’t have to rest for the playoffs.
But why beat yourself up, your equipment up or show your hand when you don’t have to? Chad Knaus is a genius. He’s the best crew chief in the sport. Together with Jimmie Johnson, obviously, makes one of the best teams in the history of the sport. Maybe he knows something we don’t know? Like where JJ is.
It’s a new outlook this season with new rules. It so far has been one of the strangest NASCAR starts I have ever witnessed. So in my personal opinion, don’t expect a handful of wins this year out of the 48 team. But if it happens – fuck I wouldn’t be surprised. He’s Jimmie Johnson after all! But until then.
Where you at JJ?
Dale Earnhardt Junior wins the 2014 Daytona 500. But not after Jimmie Johnson did, again – according to one news outlet. EDUCATE News breaks down The Great American race from Kyle Busch’s airgun penalty, Delana Harvick’s tweet, Tony Stewart’s Engine problems and a possible conspiracy theory in NASCAR!
“It’s like if the #406 met SNL.” – Said no one ever.
Jimmie Johnson — #48
- Team: Hendrick Motorsports / Chevy
- Wins In 2013: 6
- Last Year Chase Result: Champion
- Jimmie’s 2013 In A Nutshell: Major League (1989)
Harry Doyle: Just a reminder, fans, about Die-Hard Night coming up here at the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant.
So that quote about Jimmie’s 2013 season is there for a few reasons.
- It involves two of the best movies ever. Major League and Die Hard. But just the first Major League and the first Die Hard. Because let’s be honest the 2nd of both of those movies were unstoppably horrendous.
- Harry Doyle aka Bob Uecker is one of the only good things about baseball.
- There’s really absolutely positively no reason I can even try to think of that Jimmie Johnson will not win the Chase in 2014. Unless that whole Richard Petty, Danica will only win if all the drivers stay home thing comes to fruition. So I’m not really going to waste my time, and especially your time.
The main reason I picked that quote though was because how amazing would it be to hear Mike Joy say during the middle of a race halfway through the season when it looks like Jimmie has all but won his freaking 7th career championship..
Just a reminder, fans, about Need for Speed night coming up here at the track. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time Jimmie Johnson didn’t have a championship.
Why Jimmie Johnson will win the chase in 2014:
Let’s be honest. Jimmie Johnson is the greatest driver of this generation. Arguably, of all-time. (That’s for another day). I’m not too terribly excited about it either folks. I, like you, are tired of Jimmie Johnson winning. Sick and tired of it. Jeff Gordon. Tony Stewart. Kevin Harvick. A lot of drivers have got to be kicking themselves by the amount of Championships this guy has cost them. It’s annoying. And what’s worse? The man with the plan Chad Knaus is kind of a jerk. That’s putting it nicely. He pushes the rules to the limit. He sometimes cheats. He sometimes gets away with. He sometimes doesn’t. But he’s a competitor, and a genius for that matter. Maybe if Chad was with a driver, that driver would be racking up Championships like they were parking tickets. Oh and have you heard that Jimmie is an athlete. He runs 15 miles a day like it’s a walk in the park. He did the half marathon just last weekend. I know Donavan McNabb, we’re sick of it too. And maybe the worst part about Jimmie? He’s a nice freaking guy. He doesn’t (often) call out drivers. He doesn’t make to big of a fuss when he gets put into the wall. He just goes out there and does his job. And you know what?
This is EXACTLY why Jimmie is going to win again! He just goes out there, does his job, and gets shit done. He’s going to win because you don’t want him too. Everyone great athlete, (Yeah I said it Donavan) has to come up with new ways to motivate themselves. To keep the fire burning. And you know that’s exactly what Jimmie is doing with all of us who is sick and bloody tired of seeing him win. He’ll use that. Quietly. But he’ll use it. And yeah, we aren’t sure if Jimmie is even the most talented driver in NASCAR. But he knows something we don’t. And something almost 50 other guys, drivers, teams don’t know either. Like it or not folks, Jimmie will win again. And probably again. And again. And whether you want to crown him the best driver of all-time, or just his era. Don’t take it for granted. Because 15 years from now, we will all look back and say..
Need for Speed night?
No sorry, that’s not it. We will look back and say..
Holy shit. Remember that Jimmie Johnson guy? His run was one of the most amazing events in all of sports. Holy shit was he good.
That’s why, like it or not, Jimmie Johnson will be the last man standing in Miami.
Matt Kenseth — #20
- Team: Joe Gibbs Racing / Toyota
- Wins In 2013: 7
- Last Year Chase Result: 2nd
- Matt’s 2013 In A Nutshell: The Replacements (2000)
Jimmy McGinty: You know what separates the winners from the losers?
Shane Falco: The score?
Jimmy McGinty: No, getting back on the horse after getting kicked in the teeth.
That pit stop in Phoenix was a kick to the teeth. Matt won 7 races last year. That’s one more than your 2013 Champion and 6-time Chase winner Jimmie Johnson had last year. Wait what? I looked around for this quote for a while, I swear it was in a movie. If not, it should have been. But when Matt was on. He was really on. And when he wasn’t on. He really sucked.
BONUS QUOTE!!!: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
Ricky Bobby: If you ain’t first, you’re last.
Matt. You weren’t suppose to take Ricky seriously. That was a comedy movie! Basically Matt’s year looked like a really bad stock. Up and down up and down up and down up and down. That’s how stocks work right? Not sure. In 2013 if Matt wasn’t first. He was last. What happened to being consistent Matt?
Why Matt Kenseth will win the chase in 2014:
I believe that like Shane Falco, Matt Kenseth will be able to get back on the horse after a what almost felt like a very dominating regular season in 2013. Did you catch those duels last night? Joe Gibbs racing is looking pretty damn sharp heading into this season. They’ve always looked sharp. And Matt Kenseth has been virtually unstoppable since he’s arrived. The best part about Matt? You don’t hear from him much. He’s not going to get in a Twitter war or do a backflip off his car after a win or probably not punch a driver after the race. Don’t test him though. He goes out there and gets it done. That’s the reason why you knew about all his dominant wins last year, and may not of heard from him when he finished in 30th position. Which he did last year. A few times. 3 to be exact. And one 40th place finish. With a few handfuls of 20th or higher place finishes. Ouch. I mean that’s the reason why the guy didn’t win the whole shebang in 2013! Of course, accidents happen. Blown engines happen. Unfortunately, bad pit stops happen. But don’t expect to see much of that this year. There will be no more incidents in the pits like in Phoenix last year. You better believe those guys have been absolutely working harder and training harder than ever to get this guy that Chase trophy that NASCAR tried to make sure he wouldn’t get back after they changed the Chase rules, one of the first times, after his run in 2003. You know Matt is going to continue to win like he did last year. Shoot look at that Duel just last night. With more top 10’s and fewer mishaps putting him towards the back of the pack. How in the hell won’t this guy win in 2014?
Kevin Harvick — #4
- Team: Stewart Haas Racing / Chevy
- Wins In 2013: 4
- Last Year Chase Result: 3rd
- Kevin’s 2013 In A Nutshell: The Pride of the Yankees (1942)
Lou Gehrig: Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.
New team. New crew chief. No longer the top dog on his team. New crew chief. One of his best friend is his boss. Short temper. That about sums it up.
Why Kevin Harvick will win the chase in 2014:
Like Lou – no Kevin doesn’t have an extremely rare disease that will soon be named after him. Like Lou, Kevin will be considering himself the luckiest man on the face of the earth when he rolls off the line at Daytona. Why’s that? He’s no longer at RCR. He’s racing for his good pal Tony Stewart. I don’t think Kevin has any hatred towards Richard Childress, but it was pretty obviously that things weren’t working out there. Don’t get me wrong, things on the track were working out great. Kevin has finished 3rd in the Chase 3 times in the past 4 years. He had times was the best driver on the track. And at other times one of the biggest hot heads on the track. So things we working out at RCR for Kevin, but also were extremely irritating as seen by that awkward end of the year lecture he gave the bosses grand children. Now things are starting out fresh. And you know what? I think everyone, even in the Stewart Haas garage – are scared shitless. Harv is one of a few drivers who found a new home in 2014, but like most drivers, he wasn’t in the need of a new ride. A better team. A better crew chief. But he got one. He got all of the above. And who the hell knows what is going to happen! This is as good of a year as any for Happy to win it all. He’s been close in the past. In the very recent past. Now that he will indeed finally be Happy, the possibilities are endless the #29 — er, the #4 car. It’s going to take me a while to get use to seeing that. And now I have to buy a new hat. Damnit. Least he’s still got the Budweiser ride! And isn’t it going to look so pretty in Miami with that Chase trophy on top of it?