So to save you the trouble of reading some guy’s power rankings every week – I’m going to spare you this season, and me. Every two weeks and you get your annual “Power Rankings with A Little Help From Our Friend”s column by me.
Now one of the reasons because I thought it would be a lot harder to come up with themes – boy was I wrong.
After writing half of what I may personally describe as a mind blowing blog post about a fantastic movie and how it tied into this crazy NASCAR season thus far I had a what could only be described as a mind blowing thought.
Travis Kvapil’s car just got stolen. We are going to Las Vegas this week. Ocean’s 11, 12, 13 and 14 (Rumored) – WE HAVE TO DO HEIST MOVIES!
Don’t worry – this mind blowing column/article/dribble that has already been written will see the light of day, some day, because don’t you worry I don’t always have epiphany’s and stellar ideas. Just ask my girlfriend – amirite?! (See that joke. Oh boy).
So this week I bring you, the best NASCAR drivers this 2015 Sprint Cup season thus far – with a little help from our friends, great American heist movies.
NO. 1 – JOEY LOGANO
1st at Daytona / 4th at Atlanta
–The Usual Suspects
Strausz: “Do you guys know who the fuck I am? Do you know who the fuck I am?”
Hockney: “We do now, jerk-off.”
We knew who Joey was after last year’s Chase. Not we certainly know who this little guy is.
NO. 2 – KEVIN HARVICK
2nd at Daytona / 2nd at Atlanta
Doug MacRay: “I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we’re gonna hurt some people.”
James Coughlin: “…Whose car are we gonna’ take?”
Doesn’t matter where Harv is this year or what car he’s driving, he captured that Championship and doesn’t want to/won’t let go.
NO. 3 – JIMMIE JOHNSON
5th at Daytona / 1st at Atlanta
Claire Keesey: “Did you say your name was Jim or Gem?”
James Coughlin: “Well, huh, it’s kinda both. The teacher’s use to always say, ‘Here take this one. He’s a gem.'”
This was too easy and too good to pass up. But seriously, this guy is a gem isn’t he? Never misses a beat.
NO. 4 – DALE EARNHARDT JR.
3rd at Daytona / 3rd at Atlanta
–The Usual Suspects
McManus: “There’s nothing that can’t be done.”
Fenster: “Can you hear me in the back? Hello?”
Sure has been running pretty far up front this year – new crew chief and all. Don’t see him slowing down anytime soon.
NO. 5 – JEFF GORDON
33rd at Daytona / 41st at Atlanta
Mr. Pink: “I don’t wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you’re standing in my way, one way or the other, you’re gettin’ outta my way.”
33rd and 41st is not good, clearly. But it won’t last long, and if it does – this guy is going to see red. What are you going to do, fire him?
NO. 6 – MATT KENSETH
35th at Daytona // 5th at Atlanta
Doug MacRay: “No matter how much you change, you still have to pay the price for the things you’ve done. So I got a long road. But I know I’ll see you again – this side or the other.”
He will see that Championship again. But maybe not this year..
NO. 7 – MARTIN TRUEX JR.
8th at Daytona // 6th at Atlanta
Madeliene White: “Well detective, there are matters at stake here that are a little bit above your pay grade. No offense.”
Keith Frazier: “Well, why don’t you just tell the mayor to raise my pay grade to the proper level, and problem solved.”
Pretty sure I predicted this before the season started. He’s too good to be tamed, even if it is in inferior equipment.
NO. 8 – DENNY HAMLIN
4th at Daytona // 38th at Atlanta
Turk Malloy: “I’m gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period French.”
Be careful Danica. Joey. Whomever it may be. There’s a handful of guys this year that seem on edge – Denny may be one of em.
NO. 9 – KASEY KAHNE
9th at Daytona // 14th at Atlanta
Madeliene White: “The sooner you STOP being my problem and START being my solution the better off you’ll be.”
There’s no way that this is an actual quote from Rick Hendrick to Kasey right? He’s quietly having a good year.
NO. 10 – ARIC ALMIROLA
15th at Daytona // 11th at Atlanta
Steve: “You blew the best thing you had going for you. You blew the element of surprise.”
Aric made the Chase last year. And he’s off to a hell of a start this year. No one will be surprised to see him race up front.
NO. 11 – BRAD KESELOWSKI
41st at Daytona // 9th at Atlanta
Steve: “Still don’t trust me?”
Stella: “I trust everyone. It’s the devil inside them I don’t trust.”
Wonder who (nobody) how there (everywhere) will take any crap (bumper cars) from Brad this year. HE HAS A LOT OF FRIENDS. (No he doesn’t).
NO. 12 – CLINT BOWYER
7th at Daytona // 24th at Atlanta
James Coughlin: “If we get jammed up, we’re holding court on the street.”
I just feel like Clint drives around thinking this the whole damn time he’s driving. Or wish.
NO. 13 – RYAN NEWMAN
38th at Daytona // 10th at Atlanta
Joe: “Let’s go to work.”
Ryan Newman is to NASCAR what Bill Belichek is to interviews – strictly business. Both, are good at their business.
NO. 14 – CARL EDWARDS
23rd at Daytona // 12th at Atlanta
Danny: “Thirteen million and you drive this piece of shit cross country to pick me up?
Rusty: Blew it all on the suit.”
Rightfully so, it’s been a transition to his new team. Hope the hype wasn’t the suit, in this, unreal, completely random scenario.
NO. 15 – REGAN SMITH
16th at Daytona // 17th at Atlanta
NO. 16 – DAVID RAGAN
17th at Daytona // 18th at Atlanta
Mr. Blonde: “Was that as good for you as it was for me?”
For stepping into two completely different, new cars for the Busch brothers just days before the start of the season – they should be completely ecstatic with their first two weeks.
Can’t wait to see how the rest of the season pans out for these two.