With a little help from Nic Cage.
If you’ve read or stumbled upon or been forced to read this blog before. You know we love to mix sports with movies. Especially movie quotes because as we all know, you can relate them to absolutely anything. So why not try our hand with the NASCAR Chase, and how I think this will all play out. And to help out, I thought I’d bring in my dear friend, Mr. Nicolas Cage.
16. ARIC ALMIROLA – National Treasure
Powell: How do a bunch of guys with hand tools build all this?
Ben Gates: Same way they built the pyramids – and the Great Wall of China.
Riley Poole: Yeah… the aliens helped them.
I like Aric. But let’s be honest, if it weren’t for the aliens and the new Chase rules he wouldn’t be here in the playoffs. Good for him though. It’s not like he is a bad driver, and this should get him some good exposure.. for 3 races. Honestly, it will be fun to see if he can battle it out and beat the Dinger for last. Side bets anyone?
15. AJ ALLMENDINGER – National Treasure
Riley Poole: Anyone crazy enough to believe us isn’t gonna want to help.
Ben Gates: We don’t need someone crazy. But one step short of crazy, what do you get?
Riley Poole: Obsessed.
Ben Gates: Passionate.
Like I said before, The Dinger may be battling it out for last place with #43, and like Aric – he’s lucky to be here. He’s a hell of a driver and he’s extra lucky considering all the craziness he’s been through to even be in a race car. He’s obsessed. And passionate. See what I did there? But you need more than that to win.
14. KYLE BUSCH – Con Air
Baby O: How am I doing, son?
Cameron Poe: You’re doing fine.
Kyle just needs a good pep talk and a keep your head up kid after this year. He’s definitely going to forget all about 2014, as he may have already thrown in the towel on the season. It pains me to put him this low but he’s had worse luck this season than an NFL running back. Too soon? Sorry Kyle. And mom.
13. RYAN NEWMAN – Ghost Rider
Caretaker: You all right?
Johnny Blaze: Yeah, I’m good. I feel like my skull is on fire, but I’m good.
Man I like Ryan too. And the only reason I put him in front of Kyle is because.. Well yeah we went over that. (See NFL running backs). Ryan is a hell of a good driver who for getting kicked to the curb by Stewart-Haas is trying to put up a respectable showing for new owner Richard Childress by being the lone wolf in the Chase for said team. But he’s got to feel a little Ghost Rider-y after this season.
12. KASEY KAHNE – Gone In 60 Seconds
Freb: I can deliver more than pizzas, huh? Boosted her myself.
Donny: How did you get this car?
Freb: Actually, the keys were in it.
Donny: Well, that kinda defies the point.
Memphis: You stole a car that wasn’t on the list. Why don’t you just go to the police station in a red clown suit and let everybody know what we’re doing here?
I like Kasey. Is it weird that I keep saying I like these guys.. right before I rip them? I don’t not like Kasey. And he’s a hell of a driver, (that’s a nice way of saying I don’t like him), but I have to imagine if he wasn’t driving for Hendrick he wouldn’t be in the Chase. I mean the keys are just in the car. And you’re there. Don’t expect big things from him this fall.
11. KURT BUSCH – Lord of War
Yuri Orlov: Any friend of my brothers’ is a… a friend of my brothers’.
Don’t lump Kurt in the same category as Kyle. Mainly because Kurt isn’t as good as Kyle, but eff Kyle is having a bad year. I couldn’t figure out which brother deserved this quote more. I wonder which one of them wouldn’t want to be lumped in with the other. Luckily for Kurt, he’s had better luck this year than little brother.
10. DENNY HAMLIN – Leaving Las Vegas
Ben Sanderson: I think when I’m done with this I’ll have a gin and tonic.
Listen Denny I know you don’t drink, and party, any more and I know you ripped us all to shreds at that press conference when you had rust in your eye. I’m not saying you’re going to drink after the Chase. But you’re going to wish you had one. Denny has to be wondering how and when he’s going to return to dominance again. And who knows maybe a gin and tonic would help!
9. GREG BIFFLE – Gone In 60 Seconds
Memphis: I just stole fifty cars in one night! I’m a little tired, little wired, and I think I deserve a little appreciation!
I don’t think Biff gets as much credit as he really deserves. He’s got to be feeling like he stole damn near fifty cars in one night just to get into this chase. And I’d love to put the Biff higher than 9 I really would! But there is a lot of freaking talent up there at the top. And unfortunately I don’t think the Biff can hang. But I appreciate you anyway sir!
8. MATT KENSETH – Lord of War
Yuri Orlov: There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.
Matt Kenseth has been to the top. He’s won it all. So he knows what it feels like. But it sure has been a while since he’s been there. I kept picking him to win over and over again this year and it never happened. He is Mr. Consistent. Unfortunately, because of you Matt, you gotta win to be in. And it just isn’t happening this year.
7. CARL EDWARDS – Con Air
Cameron Poe: Yeah, but like at this new prison you’re goin’ to, who’s gonna watch your back?
Baby O: God’s got my back. You know what I’m sayin’?
Carl’s last ride for ole Jack. If I were him, I’d just make sure I ain’t going out there and pissing off any of my new teammates. Yeah he could go for the Championship. But.. do we really think he’s got what it takes? I sure don’t. If you aren’t running a Hendrick or Penske car.. Or named Kevin. Just try to make nice.
6. JOEY LOGANO – 8MM
Max California: What is this?
Tom Welles: Money. People use it to buy goods and services.
Yeah I could say something about how Joey is rich and was given everything and so on and so forth. But that would be too easy. It’s also hard to keep saying that after the year Joey has had. Dude has been driving like he stole it week in and week out. Think he’s still a little to young to take it home, but maybe I’ll be wrong for the first time ever. Doubt it.
5. JIMMIE JOHNSON – Gone In 60 Seconds
Memphis: Without disappointment you cannot appreciate victory.
Det. Roland Castlebeck: Did Eleanor tell you that?
What? Jimmie Johnson fifth? Yeah man. I did that. Listen I know you’ll be laughing in my face 10 weeks from now telling me how dumb I am. But he wasn’t even like the 5th best driver all year. I mean he’s the #1 best driver of all-time (whoa there) but he hasn’t been as dominant as always. Yes he’s 6-time, and that’s why I bumped him up to fifth. Let’s just say after this year he’ll appreciate those Championships a little more.
4. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – National Treasure
Ben Gates: [upset] I just… really thought I was gonna find the treasure.
Patrick Gates: Okay. Then we just keep looking for it.
Abigail Chase: I’m in.
Dale is the most emotional guy after races. And it pains me to see. He’s so close this year. And it would be so dominant to see him win it all and standing in Victory Lane in Homstead. Him, Steve and Amy. Listen we are all rooting for that. You, me, Wal-Mart, freaking NASCAR. We’d love to see it. But I just don’t think he’s quite there.. But again. I’d love to be wrong. For once. Especially when it comes to this prediction. JOOOOONYAAHHHHHHH!!!
3. BRAD KESELOWSKI – Lord of War
Yuri Orlov: I was the same man who was not good enough for you before, and I’m just not good enough for you now.
Eh I don’t even really know what this quote means. I asked Brad on Twitter what his favorite Nic Cage movie was and he never got back to me. Oh cool you have a girlfriend now? So do I. Either way Bad Brad has got to be most people’s pick to win it all. I’m not most people. There’s at least 2 people way faster than this dude..
2. JEFF GORDON – Gone In 60 Seconds
Memphis: I am a baaaad man.
Whoa. I use to hate Jeff Gordon. My brother loved him when we were younger and I would make fun of him so hard. One missed shipment and comfy ass Jeff Gordon shirt later – I love the dude. And how couldn’t you? I mean I wish he would grow his mustache back but that’s beside the point. Like Memphis Raines, Jeff has to be going into this thinking he’s a bad man. He is. Between him and another Freaky Fast driver, it’s a toss up to who would show up to the track on Sunday with the faster car. This is Jeff Gordon’s to lose. Damnit he’s so fast I want to pick him to win it all.
1. KEVIN HARVICK – Con Air
Cameron Poe: If this thing goes bad, Larkin, I don’t think my daughter will… understand. If you speak to my wife again, you tell her: that I love her. She’s my hummin’bird. But, I couldn’t leave a fallen man behind. You’ll do that for me, won’t you, Larkin?
Vince Larkin: Sure, I will. What are you gonna do for me?
Cameron Poe: What do you think I’m gonna do? I’m gonna save the fuckin’ day!
Call it favoritism. Call it advertising at it’s finest (I love Budweiser. Jimmy John’s is great too). Call it what you want. But Kevin Harvick has been the fastest dude on four wheels almost every damn week this year. From the get go. Yes yes yes it takes more than that and Kevin hasn’t had that. We’re over it. Tony Stewart and the Stewart-Haas team are all in this year, bringing in new pit crew members to get this Freaky Fast #4 Chevy to Homstead and to hoist that Championship trophy. Kevin is due. He’s been there. Man he has been there so many times and been so close. He’s got SPEED. And a lot of it. He’s going to leave it out there these next 10 weeks, rubbin’, racing and doing anything and everything it takes to save the fuckin’ day. And win that NASCAR Sprint Cup Championship. #Huh.