Power Rankings After Phoenix // With Help From The Ruthless

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harvick_shreds_phoenixWe could save you some time and stop the power rankings after #1 am I right? I mean is anyone even close to Harvick right now? This is just straight up ridiculous. Luckily I have the formula to Happy’s dominance and the reasons why he continues to dominant. 

Again. Straight up out of control!

But because I have nothing better to do and love digging through numerous upon numerous quotes from great classic movies – I figured what the hell. What’s 15 more!?

Due to the fact that Harvick is on such an unbelievable run of pure dominance. I looked to films with strong role models male characters who will stop at nothing to get their job done. Unfortunately these characters in these movies, like Mr. Javier Bardem in “No Country For Old Men” are murderers and just straight up bad people kids.

Bad people or not, I once again found movies with top dogs, dominators, ruthless, professional professionals that like T.I himself – all they do is win.

So this week I bring you, the best NASCAR drivers this 2015 Sprint Cup season thus far – with a little help from our friends, those ruthless bastards.. in movies.

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NO.1 KEVIN HARVICK
1st at Las Vegas / 1st at Phoenix
-Unforgiven

Little Bill Daggett: “Well, sir, you are a cowardly son of a bitch! You just shot an unarmed man!”
Will Munny: “Well, he should have armed himself.”

It sure does seem like Kevin Harvick has gone to a gun fight, but he’s the only one armed lately doesn’t it?

NO.2 JOEY LOGANO
10th at Las Vegas / 8th at Phoenix
-No Country For Old Men

Managerial Victim: “Mind riding bitch?”

Joey is having one heck of a year. Just so happens Mr. Happy is having one historic year.

NO.3 MARTIN TRUEX JR.
2nd at Las Vegas / 7th at Phoenix
-No Country For Old Men

Man who hires Wells: “Just how dangerous is he?”
Carson Wells: “Compared to what? The bubonic plague?”

We don’t really know how dangerous Martin is!? But he has proven that he shouldn’t be taken lightly anymore.

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NO.4 JIMMIE JOHNSON
41st at Las Vegas / 11th at Phoenix
-True Blood

Rambo: “I could have killed ’em all, I could’ve killed you. In town you’re the law, out here it’s me. Don’t push it! Don’t push it or I’ll give you a war you won’t believe. Let it go. Let it go!”

Chad Knaus may be the Greg Poppovich of NASCAR. Rest’em until the playoffs – then start trying. No way right?

NO.5 RYAN NEWMAN
3rd at Las Vegas / 3rd at Phoenix
-Taken

Saint Clair: “Please understand… it was all business. It wasn’t personal.”
Bryan: “It was all personal to me.”

Ryan Newman is a no non-sense, all business dude. And he continues to just get it done.

NO.6 KASEY KAHNE
17th at Las Vegas / 4th at Phoenix
-Taken

Kim: “You don’t have to worry.
Bryan: “That’s like telling water not to be wet, sweetie.

Maybe it’s just me, but if I was 4th string on a team like Kasey is I’d be worried a lot too. Been running better and better, maybe he’s stopped worrying.

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NO.7 DALE EARNHARDT JR.
4th at Las Vegas / 43rd at Phoenix
-No Country For Old Men

Poolside Woman: “Oh… that’s who you keep looking out the window for?”
Llewelyn Moss: “Half…”
Poolside Woman: “What else then…?”
Llewelyn Moss: “Just looking for what’s coming…”
Poolside Woman: “Yeah… But no one ever sees that coming…”

One race it seems like he’s going to win it all. The next, we’re left scratching our heads. You never know with this guy.

NO.8 BRAD KESELOWSKI
7th at Las Vegas / 6th at Phoenix
-True Blood

Deputy Mitch: “How blind are you? Can’t you see this guy’s crazy?”
Deputy Sergeant Arthur Gault: “Can’t you see I don’t give a shit?”

Same ol’ Bad Brad. Once he starts rolling and keeps not giving a shit – look out.

NO.9 MATT KENSETH
9th at Las Vegas / 16th at Phoenix
-No Country For Old Men

Ed Tom Bell: “How many of those things you got now?”
Ellis: “Cats? Several. Well, depends what you mean by got. Some are half-wild, and some are just outlaws.”

Cats = wins?

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NO.10 AJ ALLMENDINGER
6th at Las Vegas / 17th at Phoenix
-Taxi Driver

Travis Bickle: “Twelve hours of work and I still can’t sleep. Damn. Days go on and on. They don’t end.”

I swear that was intended to be a shot at The Dinger. Just that he’s putting in a lot of work and not seeing much reward!

NO.11 DENNY HAMLIN
5th at Las Vegas / 23rd at Phoenix
-Taxi Driver

Travis Bickle: “Shit… I’m waiting for the sun to shine.”

Will the sun ever shine again for Denny?

NO.12 CASEY MEARS
25th at Las Vegas / 20th at Phoenix
-Taxi Driver

Travis Bickle: “Now I see this clearly. My whole life is pointed in one direction. There never has been a choice for me.”

Love seeing Casey Mears do well. Now is his time to shine. Like a few other drivers, hope the recent success of good finishes is a confident boost.

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NO.13 DAVID RAGAN
22nd at Las Vegas / 21st at Phoenix
-Taxi Driver

Personnel Officer: “How’s your driving record? Clean?”
Travis Bickle: “It’s clean, real clean. Like my conscience.”

Been a pretty clean start to the year thus far taking over for Mr. Busch. How long will his driving record stay clean?

NO.14 KYLE LARSON
8th at Las Vegas / 10th at Phoenix
-Unforgiven

Will Munny: “Wanna help me count this, kid?”
The Schofield Kid: “I trust you.”
Will Munny: “Don’t go trusting me too much.”

Any day now he’s going to flip the switch, and he’s going to be a stone cold killer. Don’t go trusting his kid too much.

NO.15 PAUL MENARD
12th at Las Vegas / 14th at Phoenix
-No Country For Old Men

Anton Chigurh: “Step out of your car, please.”

For some reason I don’t think Paul responds well to please.

NO.16 CLINT BOWYER

21st at Las Vegas / 24th at Phoenix
-True Blood

Teasle: “Goddammit, what the hell do you think this is? Some kind of a circus?”

Maybe it is?

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Las Vegas This Week // Best and Worst Paint Schemes

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Too much of the filth you see on the internet is negative. Don’t get me wrong I am no hero, but one thing I can do – NOTHING BUT THE BEST OF THE WEEKEND! That’s right, no worsts. If you are looking for worsts go check out your local German Sausage Haus. #NailedIt

This we are are in Las Vegas. But you know that, because you read my amazing Power Rankings rundown with the help of our friends – heist films. If there’s anything I know about Las Vegas, I’ve heard it from my parents. And what I’ve heard is that it is all flash! Look at the hauler parade they just had the other day, shutting down the strip just to show off 40 some 18-wheelers. That’s ba son. That’s NASCAR in Sin City. “How about that ride in?”

So if the haulers are all flash, the cars gotta be too right? Let’s just say yes. After we get this no-fun, politically correct, not being negative article I will tell you how I really feel about the cars designs this season..

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They’re AWESOME! Wink. Wink.

As always, we pick our favorite drivers like girls pick which team is going to win the NCAA tournament. Jersey colors. But because these guys and Danica don’t really wear jerseys, we pick em by their cars. And we get pretty amped up when the paint schemes come out. Because I like NASCAR. And I like Design. So when the two come together.. “Oh word?”

So if you can’t win, you might as well look good!

THE BEST OF THE BEST

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Jimmie Johnson will drive the No. 48 Kobalt Tools Chevrolet

Who says NASCAR isn’t in touch with the sophisticated/art loving/modern bigger world of today? This car reminds me of a beautiful minimalistic series that one might find at MoMa or at La Louvre. Did I just compare Jimmie Johnson’s car to the Mona Lisa? No. But one day, when the French discover NASCAR – again – you never know where a stock car might end up.

I like this car because like JJ, it’s all business. He just came off an impressive win in Atlanta, coming off a less than impressive 2014 year. Jimmie doesn’t need any bells or whistles to remind you who he is or what he’s done. (Won 6 Championships). Just give him something fresh and clean that may also resemble his sponsor this week and he will put that thing in La Louvre. Or at least victory lane.

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Kasey Kahne will drive the No. 5 Time Warner Cable Chevrolet

You guys Hendrick Motorsports just gets it right. It is definitely why they have won 15 championships since 1995. It is absolutely why they own every engine you see powering these stock cars around them ovals. And it is emphatically why they made it in to this best of the best preview for Las Vegas – twice, back to back. Emphatically. THE PAINT. They just get it you guys. What is it? It is the paint. Nothing to crazy, nothing in your face (talking to you Bug-B-Gon). Looks clean, sleek, modern, fast, and clean and nice.

It’s not to hard to be positive still. I promise. This is easy. I mean just ask Kasey Kahne. (Oh boy).

THE BEST OF THE REST

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Joey Logano will drive the No. 22 Penzoil Ford

Joey Logano’s car may not be the greatest looking from a design standpoint. But who am I to judge? I just recently put a left shark on a wrestling mat to promote one of the biggest duals of the year. Yeah. I did that.

Irregardless of good/bad design. This car is dope. I have to give Joey some DAP for this car since I gave the young and talented Kyle Larson all that love for his battery inspired car last week.

Joey. You are fast. You are furious. (I hate myself for that). You are driving perhaps the weirdest car of the weekend. And for that I applaud you.

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Erik Jones will drive the No. 20 Interstate Batteries Toyota

Wait scratch that Joey.

IMG_0598This car is weird. And I love it. This one is near and dear to my heart. My favorite driver of all-time is Bobby Labonte. I have an amazing Bobby Labonte Interstate Batteries hat that I wore to my first ever Nationwide (RIP. Too soon?) Race and heard not my first ever curse words because everyone thought it was a Kyle Busch hat. I loved it.

I love this design. It is different. It is catches your eye. I’m sure once it hits top speed this weekend in Vegas it will look like a some James Cameron type Avatar – wait for it, AVACAR! This thing is sweet. It is no Hendrick Motorsports (well not fully – engine guys), but if you can’t beat ’em, out paint ’em.

HONORABLE MENTION

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Carl Edwards will drive the No. 19 Comcast Business Toyota

Carl Edwards just wanted to remind people that he still has speed – I guess. The honorable mention has been a fun time honoring and dishonoring (not today!) people for a myriad of ideas they have. Whether it is mounting the tarantula from “Home Alone” on the front of your car or writing out “Drive Safe You Guys At The End Of The Day Safety Is First, Teamwork Is Second – Well More Like 1B, We Want Everyone To Get Home For Supper Tonight” on the side of your car. (It was a small font).

This message is spot on. This car, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not is “Built For Speed” ladies and gentleman. Just the message you want to send as you roll up to the start line. Next time just don’t forget to credit your source.*

*Hendrick Motorsports.

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NASCAR’s Chase Playoffs // How They’ll Finish

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With a little help from Nic Cage.

If you’ve read or stumbled upon or been forced to read this blog before. You know we love to mix sports with movies. Especially movie quotes because as we all know, you can relate them to absolutely anything. So why not try our hand with the NASCAR Chase, and how I think this will all play out. And to help out, I thought I’d bring in my dear friend, Mr. Nicolas Cage.

Enjoy!

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16. ARIC ALMIROLANational Treasure

Powell: How do a bunch of guys with hand tools build all this?

Ben Gates: Same way they built the pyramids – and the Great Wall of China.

Riley Poole: Yeah… the aliens helped them.

I like Aric. But let’s be honest, if it weren’t for the aliens and the new Chase rules he wouldn’t be here in the playoffs. Good for him though. It’s not like he is a bad driver, and this should get him some good exposure.. for 3 races. Honestly, it will be fun to see if he can battle it out and beat the Dinger for last. Side bets anyone?

15. AJ ALLMENDINGER – National Treasure

Riley Poole: Anyone crazy enough to believe us isn’t gonna want to help.

Ben Gates: We don’t need someone crazy. But one step short of crazy, what do you get?

Riley Poole: Obsessed.

Ben Gates: Passionate.

Like I said before, The Dinger may be battling it out for last place with #43, and like Aric – he’s lucky to be here. He’s a hell of a driver and he’s extra lucky considering all the craziness he’s been through to even be in a race car. He’s obsessed. And passionate. See what I did there? But you need more than that to win.

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14. KYLE BUSCH – Con Air

Baby O: How am I doing, son?

Cameron Poe: You’re doing fine.

Kyle just needs a good pep talk and a keep your head up kid after this year. He’s definitely going to forget all about 2014, as he may have already thrown in the towel on the season. It pains me to put him this low but he’s had worse luck this season than an NFL running back. Too soon? Sorry Kyle. And mom.

13. RYAN NEWMAN – Ghost Rider

Caretaker: You all right?

Johnny Blaze: Yeah, I’m good. I feel like my skull is on fire, but I’m good.

Man I like Ryan too. And the only reason I put him in front of Kyle is because.. Well yeah we went over that. (See NFL running backs). Ryan is a hell of a good driver who for getting kicked to the curb by Stewart-Haas is trying to put up a respectable showing for new owner Richard Childress by being the lone wolf in the Chase for said team. But he’s got to feel a little Ghost Rider-y after this season.

12. KASEY KAHNE – Gone In 60 Seconds

Freb: I can deliver more than pizzas, huh? Boosted her myself.

Donny: How did you get this car?

Freb: Actually, the keys were in it.

Donny: Well, that kinda defies the point.

Memphis: You stole a car that wasn’t on the list. Why don’t you just go to the police station in a red clown suit and let everybody know what we’re doing here?

I like Kasey. Is it weird that I keep saying I like these guys.. right before I rip them? I don’t not like Kasey. And he’s a hell of a driver, (that’s a nice way of saying I don’t like him), but I have to imagine if he wasn’t driving for Hendrick he wouldn’t be in the Chase. I mean the keys are just in the car. And you’re there. Don’t expect big things from him this fall.

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11. KURT BUSCH – Lord of War

Yuri Orlov: Any friend of my brothers’ is a… a friend of my brothers’.

Don’t lump Kurt in the same category as Kyle. Mainly because Kurt isn’t as good as Kyle, but eff Kyle is having a bad year. I couldn’t figure out which brother deserved this quote more. I wonder which one of them wouldn’t want to be lumped in with the other. Luckily for Kurt, he’s had better luck this year than little brother.

10. DENNY HAMLIN – Leaving Las Vegas

Ben Sanderson: I think when I’m done with this I’ll have a gin and tonic.

Listen Denny I know you don’t drink, and party, any more and I know you ripped us all to shreds at that press conference when you had rust in your eye. I’m not saying you’re going to drink after the Chase. But you’re going to wish you had one. Denny has to be wondering how and when he’s going to return to dominance again. And who knows maybe a gin and tonic would help!

9. GREG BIFFLE – Gone In 60 Seconds

Memphis: I just stole fifty cars in one night! I’m a little tired, little wired, and I think I deserve a little appreciation!

I don’t think Biff gets as much credit as he really deserves. He’s got to be feeling like he stole damn near fifty cars in one night just to get into this chase. And I’d love to put the Biff higher than 9 I really would! But there is a lot of freaking talent up there at the top. And unfortunately I don’t think the Biff can hang. But I appreciate you anyway sir!

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8. MATT KENSETH – Lord of War

Yuri Orlov: There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.

Matt Kenseth has been to the top. He’s won it all. So he knows what it feels like. But it sure has been a while since he’s been there. I kept picking him to win over and over again this year and it never happened. He is Mr. Consistent. Unfortunately, because of you Matt, you gotta win to be in. And it just isn’t happening this year.

7. CARL EDWARDS – Con Air

Cameron Poe: Yeah, but like at this new prison you’re goin’ to, who’s gonna watch your back?

Baby O: God’s got my back. You know what I’m sayin’?

Carl’s last ride for ole Jack. If I were him, I’d just make sure I ain’t going out there and pissing off any of my new teammates. Yeah he could go for the Championship. But.. do we really think he’s got what it takes? I sure don’t. If you aren’t running a Hendrick or Penske car.. Or named Kevin. Just try to make nice.

6. JOEY LOGANO – 8MM

Max California: What is this?

Tom Welles: Money. People use it to buy goods and services.

Yeah I could say something about how Joey is rich and was given everything and so on and so forth. But that would be too easy. It’s also hard to keep saying that after the year Joey has had. Dude has been driving like he stole it week in and week out. Think he’s still a little to young to take it home, but maybe I’ll be wrong for the first time ever. Doubt it.

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5. JIMMIE JOHNSON – Gone In 60 Seconds

Memphis: Without disappointment you cannot appreciate victory.

Det. Roland Castlebeck: Did Eleanor tell you that?

What? Jimmie Johnson fifth? Yeah man. I did that. Listen I know you’ll be laughing in my face 10 weeks from now telling me how dumb I am. But he wasn’t even like the 5th best driver all year. I mean he’s the #1 best driver of all-time (whoa there) but he hasn’t been as dominant as always. Yes he’s 6-time, and that’s why I bumped him up to fifth. Let’s just say after this year he’ll appreciate those Championships a little more.

4. DALE EARNHARDT JR. – National Treasure

Ben Gates: [upset] I just… really thought I was gonna find the treasure.

Patrick Gates: Okay. Then we just keep looking for it.

Abigail Chase: I’m in.

Dale is the most emotional guy after races. And it pains me to see. He’s so close this year. And it would be so dominant to see him win it all and standing in Victory Lane in Homstead. Him, Steve and Amy. Listen we are all rooting for that. You, me, Wal-Mart, freaking NASCAR. We’d love to see it. But I just don’t think he’s quite there.. But again. I’d love to be wrong. For once. Especially when it comes to this prediction. JOOOOONYAAHHHHHHH!!!

3. BRAD KESELOWSKI – Lord of War

Yuri Orlov: I was the same man who was not good enough for you before, and I’m just not good enough for you now.

Eh I don’t even really know what this quote means. I asked Brad on Twitter what his favorite Nic Cage movie was and he never got back to me. Oh cool you have a girlfriend now? So do I. Either way Bad Brad has got to be most people’s pick to win it all. I’m not most people. There’s at least 2 people way faster than this dude..

2. JEFF GORDON – Gone In 60 Seconds

Memphis: I am a baaaad man.

Whoa. I use to hate Jeff Gordon. My brother loved him when we were younger and I would make fun of him so hard. One missed shipment and comfy ass Jeff Gordon shirt later – I love the dude. And how couldn’t you? I mean I wish he would grow his mustache back but that’s beside the point. Like Memphis Raines, Jeff has to be going into this thinking he’s a bad man. He is. Between him and another Freaky Fast driver, it’s a toss up to who would show up to the track on Sunday with the faster car. This is Jeff Gordon’s to lose. Damnit he’s so fast I want to pick him to win it all.

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1. KEVIN HARVICK – Con Air

Cameron Poe: If this thing goes bad, Larkin, I don’t think my daughter will… understand. If you speak to my wife again, you tell her: that I love her. She’s my hummin’bird. But, I couldn’t leave a fallen man behind. You’ll do that for me, won’t you, Larkin?

Vince Larkin: Sure, I will. What are you gonna do for me?

Cameron Poe: What do you think I’m gonna do? I’m gonna save the fuckin’ day!

Call it favoritism. Call it advertising at it’s finest (I love Budweiser. Jimmy John’s is great too). Call it what you want. But Kevin Harvick has been the fastest dude on four wheels almost every damn week this year. From the get go. Yes yes yes it takes more than that and Kevin hasn’t had that. We’re over it. Tony Stewart and the Stewart-Haas team are all in this year, bringing in new pit crew members to get this Freaky Fast #4 Chevy to Homstead and to hoist that Championship trophy. Kevin is due. He’s been there. Man he has been there so many times and been so close. He’s got SPEED. And a lot of it. He’s going to leave it out there these next 10 weeks, rubbin’, racing and doing anything and everything it takes to save the fuckin’ day. And win that NASCAR Sprint Cup Championship. #Huh.

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“Quote, Unquote” // NASCAR Power Rankings No. 4

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Going on four what feels like a dozen races in to the 2014 NASCAR season, and it just keeps getting better doesn’t it? If you didn’t like the rubbin’ and racing at Bristol, then you can just get the hell out. Dale fell from grace this week, not too far, but we had quite the shakeup. If I was ranking on how they woulda, coulda and shoulda finished (and I was close), Mr. Kevin Harvick would be your clear number one driver. Thanks again for those engines Rick Hendrick! Either way, it has been a bleeping heck of a good time through four races, and next week we head back west to Fontana fun!

This week – because it has been raining like cats and dogs and they sure have been coincidentally been promoting the hell, sorry Jesus, out of this Noah movie. Ladies and gentlemen, Russell Crowe.

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1. Brad Keselowski (LW: 2) – American Gangster

FBI Agent: If you want, we can assign someone to you?

Detective Richie Roberts: FBI protection? My life is dangerous enough as it is!

2. Carl Edwards (LW: 7) – Noah

Noah: The beginning! The beginning of everything!

3. Kevin Harvick (LW: 3) – Gladiator

Robin Longstride: Ask me nicely.

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4. Dale Earnhardt Jr. (LW: 4) – 3:10 to Yuma

Ben Wade: Remind me never to play poker in this town.

5. Jeff Gordon (LW: 6) – Robin Hood

Robin Longstride: Rise and rise again until lambs become lions.

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6. Joey Logano (LW: 4) – A Beautiful Mind

Nash: They are my past. Everyone is haunted by their past.

7. Denny Hamlin (LW: NR) – Gladiator 

Maximus: I am required to kill, so I kill. That is enough.

8. Jimmie Johnson (LW: 5) – Gladiator

Maximus: Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?

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9. Kasey Kahne (LW: NR) – Man of Steel

Jor-El: Our people can co-exist.

10. Matt Kenseth (LW: 9) – A Beautiful Mind

Nash: In competitive behavior someone always loses.

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Honorable Mention

Greg Biffle (LW: NR) – Mystery, Alaska

John Biebe: You’ve been smilin’ a lot lately.

Tony Stewart (LW: NR) – A Beautiful Mind

Nash: You wanted to see if I was crazy and would screw everything up if I actually won.

Race for the Chase: Carl Edwards // 13 Days ’til Daytona

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Carl Edwards — #99

  • Team: Roush Fenway Racing / Ford
  • Wins In 2013: 2
  • Last Year Chase Result: 13th
  • Carl’s 2013 In A Nutshell: Super Troopers (1981)

Police Chief Grady: Desperation is a stinky cologne.

Why Carl Edwards will not win the Chase in 2014: nscs_carl_edwards.png.main

Edwards has been in a bit of a tailspin over the past two years. Although this past year he did make the Chase, he still finished in dead last. A sign that whatever was wrong with him the year prior, has not changed. The king of backflips hasn’t done much differently over the offseason and the more time he spends in the booth attempting to be a decent announcer (he’s not), the worse he gets on the track. So maybe Edwards will make the chase this year and finish one place higher than last year (probably not).  Or he could just end up being a full time announcer (let’s hope not).

Why Carl Edwards will win the Chase in 2014: 

When he’s in a groove, he’s tough to beat.  In ‘08, he won 9 races and got second in the Chase.  3 years later, he finished second in the Chase again and everyone thought he was the next big thing.  There have been some hiccups along the way, but Edwards is going to be back this year and ready to go.  There were some positives from last year that are a sign of good things to come. For one the man had 4 poles, which aren’t always the best indicator, but it does show that he has a fast car and can drive it well, as long as he avoids piling up those DNFs.  If he can start this year like he did the last and make the Chase, there’s no telling just how high he’ll finish.  And heck, maybe he’ll get that first crown and have a back flip for the ages.

 

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Best and Worst of the Weekend

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7dd87c53ea80bb25420f6a7067007e60Nicholas:

BEST // Iowa Hawkeyes double up, wins in Basketball Friday night and Football on Saturday. In heaven there is no beer.

WORST // Colts lose 38-8 to the 3-6 St. Louis Rams at home. Probably! – moving them out of the Top 5 in the Oh’s Knows Power Rankings.

photo (20)Adam:

BEST // Hawks basketball wins Friday night. Celtics beat the Heat on the night after the Hawks beat Purdue in football on Saturday. Fingers crossed Fantasy Football win on Sunday, followed by a Kevin Harvick #NASCAR victory and Budweiser bath after Carl Edwards runs out of gas. Capped by a Dallas Cowboys.. 

WORST // No worst. Possible best weekend ever. Let’s see how Monday morning goes before we call it..