If you ain’t rubbing, you ain’t racing

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This past Saturday Sunday morning we got to see one hell of a show at the Firecracker 400 Coke Zero 400 at one of the most fun, fast, and fascinating places in all of the great history of motorsports – the Rain Forrest Daytona, Florida.

See what I did there?

Except a few problems that I would love to see changed.

  1. No more rain.
  2. No more multiple 15 car pileups involving damn near every chase driver while the top three drivers resembles a law firm more than a Sprint Cup race in July. (ie: Ragan, Cassill and Associates)
  3. No more boring races.

NASCAR: Coke Zero 400

Now I understand a few of those things can’t be avoided. Okay most all of them can’t be avoided but I think I am going to take a stab at if you don’t mind.

Oh you don’t?

Great!

  1. No more rain.

So there are these football stadiums, one in Dallas, one in Detroit and one in Phoenix just to name three – that have these things called roof. And to even take it a step further, these are retractable! So if it’s not raining, we got sunshine! But when you plan a race off the Atlantic Ocean in Hurricane season – press a beautiful button or even a clapper and as soon as Brian Neudorff sees green, “Clap on, clap off – the Clapper!” But leave it on.

Alternative Idea: Windshield Wipers

11267360-dallas-cowboys-stadium (1)

2. No more multi car pileups.

Like the ole saying goes.. You know how it goes. But when you start rubbing too much, that ain’t necessarily racing now is it? You have to have guys on the track to race! How about we put bumpers all around the car like them bumper cars you would ride around at the fair when you were younger. Sure we will slow the cars down a good couple dozen MPH but anytime you bump up into someone you won’t be sent to the garage packing and starting throwing around the term “Hero” facetiously.

Alternative Idea: Start rooting for the guys who finally get a chance to run up front with the big boys.

NasKart_opt

3. No more boring races.

Listen. As soon as the last red flag dropped just past halfway point. I turned the television off. Not only because my girlfriend had it up to here (my hand is really high off the ground right now) with NASCAR for one day/season/lifetime. But because I knew we weren’t going back to green flag racing. Boring. Too predictable. Give these guys rocket launchers, a twelve pack and an unlimited gift card for Sonoco fuel – that will liven things up!

Alternative Idea: Stop complaining about boring races. Not every race is going to be a knock’em out, drag’em out, short track, cross the finish line before we run out of fuel just hundred of thousands of seconds before three other guys kind of race. Get over it.

Plus, seeing these guys – and gals go 200mph trying to out race a radar, and 40 other guys isn’t boring. It’s white fist thrilling as hell.

Tony Stewart isn’t going to throw his helmet at a moving car every race. DW’s pit crew isn’t going to start a fight with another pit crew every race (plus it’d be weird if DW still had a pit crew). And you can absolutely bet that no one is going to run his face into Cale Yarborough’s fist, again and again – anytime soon.

BUT IT WOULD BE AWESOME RIGHT?!

Heck yeah it would be awesome. It’d be awesome if Dale Earnhardt, Tupac and Amelia Earhart were all stranded on a dessert island somewhere explaining to Tupac the extra N in Dale’s name and which one of them attempted to fly around the globe.

BUT IT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN.

Long story short. We aren’t going to to get an instant classic every Sunday. It’d be awesome. But it’s not going to happen. Sometimes we are going to get a good ole fashion All-American auto race. Between some badass dudes and chicks driving some badass American Muscle cars and Toyotas.

So for everyone out there complaining about the race this past 4th of July Holiday weekend (assuming people are), get over it!

And if no one is complaining. This is just a reminder to myself.. If you ain’t rubbing you ain’t racing.

And not every race is going to knock your socks off.

Oh and the whole Tupac thing – forget about it.

Screen Shot 2014-07-07 at 11.20.25 PM

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