Three races in to the 2014 NASCAR season and it has been exciting as all get out. Dale Jr. rolled the dice (never gets old) in Vegas and came up short, just a little bit and the Karate Kid Brad Keselowski took home the victory. There wasn’t much of a shake up towards the top, but everyone else who hasn’t won a race yet this year really needs to figure their shit out. Next week we head to Bristol for some good ole short track racing! Boogity!
This week – because he has a Karate Kid of his own, and because rumors are going around that he recently died on a movie shoot, he didn’t we want to honor Will Smith. Remember, he didn’t die, believe it or not some things on the internet are not true. Unless you read it here. Ladies and gentlemen, Will Smith.
1. Dale Earnhardt Jr. (LW: 1) – Men In Black
Jay: There’s only one way off this planet, baby, and that’s through me.
2. Brad Keselowski (LW: 3) – Independence Day
Captain Steven Hiller: I ain’t heard no fat lady!
3. Kevin Harvick (LW: 2) – Independence Day
Captain Steven Hiller: I could’ve been at a barbecue!
4. Joey Logano (LW: 9) – Men In Black
Jay: You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look GOOD.
5. Jimmie Johnson (LW: 4) – Ali
Muhammad Ali: Is that all you got?
6. Jeff Gordon (LW: 5) – Enemy of the State
Robert Clayton Dean: Conspiracy theorists of the world unite.
7. Carl Edwards (LW: 10) – Bad Boys
Mike Lowrey: Now that’s how you supposed to drive! From now on that’s how you drive!
8. Ryan Newman (LW: NR) – Hancock
Hancock: All of you people, blocking the intersection, you’re all idiots.
9. Matt Kenseth (LW: 7) – Hitch
Hitch: I just know that I want to be… miserable. Like, really miserable. But hey, if that’s what it takes for me to be happy, then… wait, that didn’t come out right.
10. Kyle Busch (LW: 6) – Wild Wild West
Capt. James West: Actually, I was thinking I’d stuff your little half-an-ass into one of these cannons and fertilize the landscape with ya.
Paul Menard (LW: NR) – Bad Boys
Marcus Burnett: Hey man where-where-where’s your cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: I don’t have one.
Marcus Burnett: What the f- w’you mean you don’t have one? Eighty thousand dollars for this car and you ain’t got no damn cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: It’s $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. It’s a limited edition.