Countdown to ACL Festival // Kendrick Lamar



A back and forth via email, from the whitest kids in America trying to make sense of Kendrick Lamar and his musical stylings:


Trying to write this column for our last ACL countdown artist. We promised the people it’d be Kendrick, figured we might as well too since I don’t know anything about him and we better learn something.

Told you though his real name couldn’t be Kendrick Lamar. It’s actually Kendrick Lamar Duckworth – must’ve been rough with that one growing up in Compton, eh?

Have you heard any of his songs?


Seriously, that coupled with the fact he was a straight A student probably didn’t sit well.

I’ve heard one song:

It’s about a swimming pool of liquor.  Apparently Mr. Duckworth likes to drink? Have you even heard that one before?


What do you mean have I heard it? You trying to say I have a drinking problem?

It’s not too bad. I think I heard it once before in a club somewhere. A lot of these rappers do have straight A’s, get a bad rap. Lil Wayne was a smart kid too. Just one more reason I can’t be a rapper – bad grades. He’s a West Coast gangster Rapper. Maybe Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre will come too. Maybe Biggie and Tupac will show up – I think they’re still alive. Maybe they’ll get in an East Coast v. West Coast battle again down in the South.. That would go over well.

He plays Saturday after Grimes and Passion Pit, that’s going to be quite a change of pace to our ear drums.


You heard it at the club? Is that what you do now, just go clubbing with the guys? The reason I wouldn’t make it as a rapper is the fact that I can’t really rhyme. Kind of a big deal I guess.

It’ll be a change of pace, but last year going from the Lumineers, to a random DJ (which was awesome), and then Iggy and the Stooges has helped us prepare for moments like these.

Think if they do that rap battle we will see 2-pac and Biggie holograms on stage? Because I could deal with that. I think we actually know their songs.


We better take it easy on the Sangria and Peppermint Schnapps if they are going to be bringing out holograms. Or hit it harder, not sure how that will work. Here is the song that they are promoting on the ACL website:

Some slow jams. R and B style. It’s like Boys 2 Men meets Pastor Troy. And not our former Pastor, Pastor Troy – this dudes straight gangster. Not a packers fan either I don’t reckon, probably the Oakland Raiders.

We may need some slow jams after a long saturday of techno and experimental witch house music. Let’s just hope we don’t get drug tested going back to work the following week. That may have sounded wrong. I’ve been watching a lot of Breaking Bad lately – but i don’t plan on experimenting with drugs while we are there. Just saying there may be some stuff in the air. Second hand action. You know?


Definitely hit it harder. Just prep for the marathon because Saturday looks like the day we’ll be there for about 10 hours, if you can handle that old man.

So this guy wants to go slow jams and get compared to Pastor Troy and Boyz 2 Men, yet still think he’s the best rapper on this side of the Mississippi? And how is he a West Coast rapper, yet the self-proclaimed “King of New York?” I don’t own a map, but New York is definitely on the East Coast. A coast to coast rap battle? I can only imagine that will be a problem, kind of comes with the hipster territory of Austin. Reminds me of the Girl Talk concert. Or what I remember of the Girl Talk concert. Just the second hand stuff obviously.


Don’t know geography – remember I didn’t get straight A’s. All I know is he probably wrote this song about me. I love rap:


So first it was swimming pools, and now don’t kill my vibe? Are you telling me you know more about Kendrick than you’re leading us on to believe? Let’s be real here though. You wish you were as hood as Mr. Duckworth.


If there’s anything we learned here today is that he’s too hood for all of us – and I’m not quite ready to crown him the greatest rapper of all time. But here’s to two brothers whiter than Larry Bird giving him a chance. Always remember – we don’t discriminate, we try to #educate.



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