The most important purse article you’ll ever read


In case you haven’t heard, or tried yet – you can no longer take a purse to NFL  games. Big whoop you say. Well this may affect you more than you think. Let me rephrase that a little bit. You can no longer bring a purse to NFL games UNLESS they are the size of your hand or it is plastic and clear and smaller than 12″ x 6″ x 12″ in size. You are obviously asking yourself who cares why does this matter? I am a man. I drink beer and don’t carry around purses. Let alone satchels. Well here is a scenario to think about.

Screen Shot 2013-08-23 at 2.16.26 PMYou have season tickets. You share them with your beautiful wife/girlfriend/significant other. These tickets are to your favorite football team. Let’s say Seahawks. You are excited for the season to start and even take in a preseason game just to get a taste of football again. You get in line. You kiss your gal. The next thing you know a 85 year old man with no teeth working security tries telling you, “no entrance.” You say what? You get mad and have no idea what is going on. Next a heavyset butch woman with 25 bracelets on, also working security, comes over and tells your wife that she can not come in with that $500 Coach purse of hers. If she would like heavyset butch can “check” it for her and she can collect it over the game. You look over on the other side of the gate and see a closet next to the concession stands where nacho cheese is permanently melted to the floor, and notice a handful of purses that were checked. You look back at your wife and she says, “Oh hell no. We are leaving!” (Is your wife Madea?) You don’t get to catch the Seahawks play Russell Wilson for 3 drives, but you aren’t too upset – because it’s only preseason after all. But your wife? She’s not happy. Again, who cares? You missed a meaningless game. But, your gal isn’t happy and you still have 8 games that do matter to figure out what to do about getting a new purse. Or a divorce. Whatever is easiest. Look I am all for safety, which is the reason against the “ban bag,” it is suppose to make lines move faster when searching for unauthorized materials that are not allowed in the stadium. Again, safety first. But when the NFL is the one telling you this – it makes you wonder. My first point:

  • How can you take the NFL seriously when they say safety first? They want to make sure players aren’t getting hurt, but they want to add more games to the season. Already this preseason it seems like a record amount of players getting hurt and missing the entire season. Does adding 2 more regular season games really sound safe? Dudes are already tired and don’t try during the Pro Bowl because they don’t want to get hurt.
  • Why would the NFL make going to a game even more of a hassle than it already is? The NFL and most American sports are seeing more and more people staying at home. And why not? Why would you go to a stadium full of annoying people who may or may not cheer for the same team as you when you could sit at home, drink an unlimited amount of beers (ca’mon), sit in your lazy boy, check your fantasy league, use your clean-ish personal bathrooms and watch the game on your 80inch HD television? Before we know it, no one will go to games anymore. There’s really no incentive.
  • Have you ever tried telling a girl what to wear? I’d rather stand out on the Dallas Cowboys star and get smacked by Ray Lewis, pre-antler spray. Remember when your significant other asked you if her new earrings looked good with her dress? And you said, “sure.” Remember when you were sleeping on the couch for the next week and you had to trade in your wedding ring for a purity ring? Doesn’t sound fun Tim Tebow does it. I know technically its Roger Goodell and the front office telling your gal which purse to take to the game, but Goodell isn’t the one coming home to her, is he?

384647_RozchSTNFyofCFxRjdEHhpX9_How does this all tie-in? Money, money, money, money, monnnney. Money!

The NFL does’t have enough of it. They’re only on path to make $25 Billion dollars this year. And the next. But the NFL wants more money. How can you blame them, don’t we all? But doesn’t the NFL want to be around for awhile too? Don’t get me wrong I don’t think I will ever see the collapse of the NFL in my lifetime, but there is talk of the NFL dying out. Whether you believe it or not the NFL is the NEW America’s pastime. Baseball is your father’s father’s sport. Not of today. But when you keep screwing the fans over, that’s going to end eventually.

People are going to stop going to games. People are going to stop playing football, or at least not let their kids play football. Even HOF’er Kurt Warner wouldn’t let his kids play. People will always watch football. I’d watch it all day every day if I could. But somebody better start shaping up and get their ducks in a row.

Grant it you don’t own a purse. And you probably can’t even name 3 purse brands. So you could care less. Understandable. It just goes to show that the NFL is only looking out for numeral uno. ME. Not me. Or you. Themselves. The NFL wants more money, and they could care less about the fan. You can only go so long on putting out a superior product and not caring about the people who buy it.

Screen Shot 2013-08-23 at 2.19.11 PM

I’ll still see you at the game. I’m sure I won’t see your wife. Or girlfriend. Which may be a good thing, but down the road you could run into some trouble. Don’t look at me I didn’t make up the rules. That’s good ol’ Rodger.

Oh and if you do want to take your gal to the game and you don’t want to wait in long lines, you want that purse that is regulation size, you could always buy one from the NFL Shop. Cause they need your money. And let me know how that conversation goes after she opens up that birthday present. A clear bag/purse with a Oakland Raiders logo on it. Yikes.


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